i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
