He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
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