turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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