I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
