Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Randomize
