We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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