the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
3pm strippers are depressing
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
