Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
