Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
