just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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