Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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