we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
