I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
