got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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