I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
