My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
