Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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