last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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