and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
third nipple confirmed
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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