I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
Randomize
