There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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