well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
