I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Will you Wikipedia Vin Diesel? Is he gay? It's important...
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
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