I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
