trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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