good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Randomize
