Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize