it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
