I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize