I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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