I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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