My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
