You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
