Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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