The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
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