Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I just threw up on my dentist
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
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