shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I still have a little drunk in my system
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
