Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
