Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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