I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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