found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
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