News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
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