She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
