I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
