did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
