Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
