drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
Randomize
