The best revenge is premature balding
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize