If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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