yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
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