Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
