i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
