I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
