Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
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