So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
