I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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