i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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