I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
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