Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
