She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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