Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
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