Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
Randomize
