Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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